I really need a stress management strategy that works for me.  I always get so frustrated with the art class (a rant on that later) that I’m not paying much attention in math.  I’ve always had a hard time “quieting my mind” I guess you could say so I’m always thinking, not necessarily about what’s important though.  So when math rolls around I keep getting drawn back to my frustration and thinking about how I can fulfill the requirements of a project while making it look at least half-way decent.

So, rant.  We’re working with shapes now and the next project has to have personal meaning and be easily understood.  Black and white, with shapes cut out of a square.  A pain already.  So making thumbnails I put together 4 that are pretty much stand alone objects.  Come to find out, today he says it has to have objects interacting.  Ok, fine, maybe I missed that part.  Re-working things, I hear him tell another student something to the effect ‘make it a moment in your life.’  Wait.  He said last class it doesn’t have to tell a story and while this doesn’t explicitly mean “story” it means a period of time that probably pertains to a story.  So I’m back to square one.  I have a feeling that this is going to be a “basic requirements met, piece of crap” art piece.  Small tangent, with another assignment he had us each present it to the class stating “this isn’t a critique.”  It ended up being a critique.

Now that that’s out of my system, I was reading an article in Time recently about shyness.  Actually, it was about introversion but on the cover it had “Shyness.”  Anyway, I found it interesting being an introvert.  Not only interesting, but soothing too.  I hadn’t expected that a magazine article pretty much saying ‘it’s ok to be an introvert in an extrovert’s world’ to help me feel more comfortable in my own skin.  Being a loner doesn’t bother me as much anymore.  I still need human interaction, don’t get me wrong, but I guess I’m happier with less than the average American’s amount.

Found out that the pain I’ve been having in my ankles is due to my ligaments being too streached out.  No way to fix it, unfortnately, but I’ll be able to manage it by strengthening the surrounding muscles and tendons.  At least I don’t have to worry about it tearing.

Tonight’s a DA 2 night me-thinks.

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Happy Lunar New Year!  Year of the Dragon~  Hopefully this will be a good year for everyone, myself and other dragons in particular

Let’s see, I got my computer early, but the enclosure just came Wednesday.  I’ve been off and on transferring files to my new compy but there’s so much that I haven’t decided what I want on this hard drive.  Then again it really doesn’t matter, it isn’t like I could take a desktop on vacation  At least I have my pictures, save data and other files back~ Not to mention another external!

I broke down and bought the monitor

I’m loving this computer ♥ (I can do alt characters now!) Started a new game for DA2 and it’s sooo nice!  I’ll have to see how high I can set the graphics quality and have it run smoothly.  Wish I could afford Skyrim, but it can wait.  Been obsessing over Beat Hazard anyway.  Oh and Amnesia is so scary!  I made it to the desk with the note and had to take a break.  Haven’t touched it since…  Maybe tonight?  But it reminds me of a horror-based Myst, it seems like the player will have to make a decision at the end but there won’t be a “green book” to pick. Anyway, I have to keep a lamp on or else I can’t see the keyboard.

Ohkay. Classes.  Art, I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.  Just turned in our first project yesterday (we haven’t gotten the first assignment back yet) and did a class critique.  Apparently no one had anything they would change about mine, or criticism for that matter. But I probably looked terrified so maybe no one wanted to say that it needs work.  I dunno, just gonna try to make it through the semester. Math isn’t too much better, I understand the concepts, I can do the homework, but for the take home quiz I had to look everything up.  It seems like I can’t remember what I learned, maybe that’s what studying is for…

Now site related stuff.  I was going to make a new layout, but I think I’ll wait.  Seeing that the art class I’m taking it the pre-req for graphic design classes, maybe I’ll learn some stuff I can apply to a layout.  I’m not procrastinating updating the coding I swear!  But one thing math is doing for me is re-kindiling my desire to learn a web programming language.  Still have no idea what I’d use it for, but Javascript and PHP (and MySQL) are sure to come in handy.  Just need to decide which one to learn first and find some good tutorials.  Also gonna try and get that Sozai site up next month, I wanted to get it up before Chinese New Year and have some dragon stuff, but with my laptop dying and just getting my files back that didn’t happen.  Just need to figure out some Valentines Day (and SAD ) stuff.  I have the layout ready to go, but I really want to make it in frames.  It makes more sense to me, but professionally it’s a big no-no.  Not that I’m professional to begin with, but I should try to be.  Maybe that’ll be my pet project, where I can break as many rules as I want!

Long post is long. And my server time is 5 minutes slow >:(

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Not only have I gotten a little more motivated, I feel like I have a better handle on PHP and MySQL!  By no means could I do anything on my own though.  It’s just that I spent weeks using a book geared towards people who already know a programming language and screaming in frustration.  So finally I looked online for tutorials and bookmarked 10+ pages that have helped me, or will help me once I understand it all better.  There was a book recommended (the name escapes me now) that I’ll buy sometime, or I’ll ask for it for Christmas!

Speaking of Christmas, my sister’s boyfriend is spending Christmas with us so that’s one more person I need to think of a gift for.  And buy.  I don’t have any Christmas gifts yet, but the birthday gifts are taken care of!  There are 3 birthdays between now and Christmas that I buy gifts for.  Hopefully, I’ll get more hours than I have been getting so the gifts this year will be nice.

Well, we didn’t go into Chicago on Halloween.  A pipe underneath my car broke so I had to get that fixed instead.  So I passed out candy :c  Also made the avatar/icon for this post, it’s Iggy! xD  He’s not a real favorite, but his “marshmallow” song cracks me up!  I think I may do something else with the background, he looked better without it…  And I may add a ghost or something.

Lastly, site stuff.  Made a decision to keep only the domin names I love.  What?  Why yes, I have other domain names.  They just have nothing there.  Hence why shouldn’t keep more than I’d hopefully use.  Planning to make one of the remaining ones a site for sozai, or at least have it on a subdomain.  Gah!  They all are amazing (at least to me) yet I can’t think of anything suitable for that specific name.  Anywho, I’m making sozai now, mainly “one point” but I’ve got a few other things on peppery-peach that I’ll use.   Yes, peppery-peach is one of the ones I’m getting rid of.  Unless someone else falls in love with it and wants me to host their site.  Which probably won’t happen.

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Makes me think of “last friday night” xD  Ahem.  My sister flew into Chicago with the USC band Thursday and we met up with her on Friday, it was so good to see her again!  It had been almost a year seeing that she didn’t come home for summer.  Just went out to eat and talked, oh and watched the pep rally at Navy Pier.  On the way back, I wanted to check out a kawaii store that I had no idea existed up until a month ago.  Unfortunately, they were closed :c  Checking their Facebook page again it seems like they may not be around next year which makes me sad.  So my mom and I are planning to go back on Monday (yes, Halloween) to check it out and maybe go up to Arlington Heights.  I’m really hoping we get back after trick-or-treating, I hate passing out candy.  Stupid kids that don’t dress up.

Anywho, on Saturday I went to the USC vs. ND game with my dad.  We sat on opposite ends of the stadium but I was so glad I went!  Eventhough the ND fans are kinda harsh, then again if it were at USC I’m sure USC fans would be brutal.  The game was great, to me at least!  I like it when my team is winning the entire game!  Really, I like winning more than a good game.  Kinda sad, ne?  But watching the band was fun, USC has a stronger prescence to me.  I’m biased, I know.  Oh but I’m glad I was finally able to see the “stake” in person.  I have no idea what to call it, when the drum major stabs the field with his sword.

Fan-girling (for lack of a better term) aside, USC was really lucky they won.  Lots of penalties in their favor.  Not to mention the ND defence “didn’t know what was going on” as an ND fan said.  Something that really bothered me was all the standing.  Can’t people just sit down?  Standing changes nothing except you make everyone behind you stand too.  It was up and down the entire game >.<  One last random thing, there was a USC fan sitting a couple rows down from me and he somehow vanished durring the 2nd quarter…  Yes we were in an ND section, I wasn’t wearing anything to give my position away.

Not much else to speak of, working on a new layout.  All of the ones I’ve been getting together in Photoshop seem rather crappy to me…  I need a change but I have no inspiration.  I will perservere!

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So, I got sick.  Very unhappy about that.  I’m starting to get over it now, thankfully, but yesterday was torture.  I’ll spare you the deatails.  But there is a silver lining for me, re-discovering Hawaiian style food.  Slightly tarnished just because someone can’t bring home plate lunch for me.  I mixed up something simlilar to guri guri (goodie goodie) last night and am enjoying it today.  I used to eat it when I was sick as a kid.  Also am craving Kal Bi, Mochiko chicken, unagi don, and a plethora of other dishes I can’t seem to find here.  Must mean I’m getting better ^_^

The day before I got sick, I found out about Rainmeter.  It’s something similar to the Windows sidebar except you can arange it however you’d like and it has some different features.  Started messing around with it but didn’t get that far…  Also am learning more about PHP and MySQL.  For some reason the commands for MySQL make a lot more sense to me than PHP…  I’m still rather confused as to how everything needs to be set up for it to work.

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I’ve actually been keeping myself kinda busy.  Played Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening & Dragon Age 2, started on Professor Layton and the Curious Village, and went out with a friend!  I got out of the house with someone who isn’t family!  Big step for me.  We had dinner at Granite City, which was delicious by the way, and he needed to pick up stuff for school so I went with him to Best Buy.  Apparently, I need to watch a bunch of movies -.-

Speaking of watching, I’m almost done with the second season of The Mentalist and am making my way through Axis Powers Hetalia!  Can’t bring myself past episode 45, love Iggy’s ending song!  For whatever reason, I love it when they have a different country featured~  I may just have to invest in the manga too, been on a manga kick lately.  Though I am very near being broke.  *sigh*

Had a few very wierd dreams last night.  2 really stuck with me, the first was that I caught a shiny koffing on VDex.  Which I ended up doing earlier today, a pleasant surprise.  The second dream made me sad, Fenris somehow went crazy and I had to kill him.  But the sad thing was, near the end of the dream he started to be “concious” of what he was doing and wanted me to kill him.  Thankfully, I woke up before he died.  He’s one of my favorite characters…

Lets see what else…  I’m dreading this weekend.  And Monday for that matter.  I’m just really anxious, work, meeting new people, and manning a booth (probably by myself) on a topic I know nothing about.  How’d I get myself roped into that…  I’m a push-over, that’s how…

Oh, I need to mow the lawn.  *flails*

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I can’t say that a whole lot has happened.  I’m back to being a recluse, trying to find things to keep me busy.  Going between wasting time on the internet, cooking and making things out of clay.  Speaking of clay, I’m considering buying “plain” clay and painting it instead of using different colors.  The thing is, I’m not that good at painting.  But I keep getting the clay where it shouldn’t be and the piece looks funny.  I guess it’s something to keep in mind.

So on to cooking, made 2 kinds of ice cream and have 7 egg whites in the fridge waiting to be made into macarons.  The first ice cream turned out really well!  Tried salt again and found a recipe that, when cutting down the salt, tastes almost exactly how it did in Japan.  Second one was eh…  It’s pear-pecorino flavored and used half-and-half instead of heavy cream and one less egg than the salt recipe.  But the thing that messes it up for me it the cheese, I think it really should have been grated instead of chopped up.  Possibly add less of it too, the pear is really over powered.  Fortunately (I guess), I had double of the pear puree so the extra would work well as a topping.

I need to find another hobby…

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It’s summer now and I’m trying to lose weight, seeing that it has been accumulating more than I’d like it to,  so checking nutrition labels sounds like a good idea.  Pulled a cup of greek yogurt out of the fridge, as it has a lot of protein for yogurt, and checked the rest of the facts.  I was stunned.  100 calories, no fat at all, low sodium and sugar content, and 20% of the recommended amount of calcium.  Granted, I always get the unflavored “skim” version.  Comparing it to another 6 oz yogurt makes me wonder why I ate those before.

If you’ve never had greek yogurt, it’s thicker and more sour than regular yogurt, a bit drier too.  It lacks the odd sweetness regular flavored yogurt has, which I am glad for.  Instead, I add about one and a half tablespoons of honey while I’m eating.  I like the contrast so I don’t mix it in.

Anywho, no art stuffs.  Too lazy to scan, maybe I’ll put 2 up this Saturday.  Working tomorrow though (wo-hoo!) and am a bit apprehensive, it’s been 2 weeks since I’ve gone in.  What else…  Oh!  I kinda tore a tendon, it hurts.  My dad gave me exercises to help heal it, but I haven’t been doing it…  Not much other than that!

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I’m realizing how to be more responsible.  I know it’s rather late to realize it, but I guess I feel like acctually doing something productive.  Like dishes, cleaning up, learning a new language.  Ok, the last one’s not a responsibility, but I’m gaining some momentum.  So, to get feelers out to see how much of what I’m feeing is long term, I’m going to set a goal. *gasp!*  Something I haven’t done in years.  I’m going to start small and fairly short-term in the grand scheme of things, not only because my moods fluctuate so quickly but also due to my fear of failure.  My first goal (in forever) will be an artistic one (because it sounds attainable), I must create something artistic once a week for a month.  Sounds pretty easy for art majors, but I lack thier drive and talent.  So on Saturdays, I will post a picture of what I made be it clay, drawing, or something else I feel like making/doing.  I’ll try and challenge myself a bit but I dubt anything will come out well.  But it’s ok, it’s just a test.

I’m also planning to open up free hosting for those who are interested.  And meet requirements.  But I guess my fear of failure is hoding that back a bit, I’ve never done it before and I’d hate to let people down.  So, meh, not sure when it’ll happen.  If you happen to be interested and want more information, leave a comment or e-mail me (admin@melancholy-dream.net).  /shamelessplug

One final note on contacts, maybe due to the fact they’re a higher perscription I get kinda drowzy when doing close work with them.  Driving and such is great because I’ve got about 20/12 but everything else is “oh, this was interesting/fun about 10 minutes ago, can I sleep yet?”  They’re still a pain to take out and put in >.<  *sigh*  Hopefully my glasses will be in by the end of this week.

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Really, I think I am.  Most people I know of are stress bakers, but I can’t seem to bake very well so I cook other things.  It’s really strange for me, always hearing people complain about making dinner and realizing that I would rather make it than order a pizza.  So right now I’m waiting for creme brulee to get out of the oven.  I’m really unorthodox when it comes to custards.  Whenever I add hot milk to eggs, the eggs cook on contact.  Maybe the milk is too hot, but I use a work around.  Pretty much (for this recipe) I add the yolk mixture to the heavy cream and let it cook on the stove, stirring it constantly.  When the ripples start to get larger (thicker, fewer, whatever you’d like to call it)  and it feels thicker, I remove it from the heat and call it good.  Not sure how bad this is or how it changes the flavor/consistency, but it works a lot better for me.

Anyway, on Mother’s Day I attempted macarons.  They failed epically.  They were the wrong shape and over cooked to burnt.  Come to find out, I didn’t mix the meringue enough and the temp was too high.  And they were in there longer than they should have been.  So I picked up a book in the bargain section at B&N that I hope to try out later this week.  But I found out just how expensive almond meal/flour is…  $12 for 1 pound.  Guess who’s not getting anything else till she gets paid.  But I think they’ll turn out better this time, I know what I did wrong and have a very good idea as to how to fix it.

In other, non-cooking news, I’m trying out contacts.  I still have issues getting them in, but I don’t think I’ll have a choice come tomorrow.  I need new lenses and really love my frames so I’ll need to send in the frames for the lenses to be made.  I wonder how I’ll feel about contacts after wearing them exclusivly for a couple weeks!

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