Ok!  Everything except for toiletries, my laptop and a couple chargers are packed.  I’m all set for tomorrow.  But I’m coming close to hyper-ventalating.  No good reason why, just really anxious.  I don’t want to go because of my parents and family obligations.  It just feels like I’m shutting down, both physically and emotionally.  I feel sick to my stomach, if I could vomit, I would.  And emotionally I’m irritable, lethargic, and depressed.  I just want to get on the plane and be done with it.

But it has been an interesting couple days.  Thursday I went shopping for a swimsuit and all they had was tankinis…  I put on a lot of weight over the past 5 years or so and trying them on was a painful experience.  I got 2 sets.  When we get back I’ll have to start excersizing.

And on Friday, my sister and I were going to drop off library books and see The A-Team but her car broke down.  Thankfuly, we had already dropped off the library books.  First the brakes started to go, but we thought we would make it there and back no problem.  Then at a light the car stalled, neither of us heard it but whatever, we kept going.  Before we got to the next light it had stalled.  Don’t get me wrong, it was still going, but she couldn’t accelerate.  Pulled into a random driveway, power steering and brakes failed but we stopped without hitting anything.  The next hour and a half was spent calling people, she was calling friends to see if someone could rescue us and I was calling my dad, a repair shop, and a towing company.  We both called home in the hopes that my mom would answer the phone but she was mowing and didn’t check the messages when she got in.  Thankfully, Amanda found someone to take us home and the car was towed.  Even better, my dad oked it to be fixed and we picked it up that night.  Oh, and there wasn’t anything wrong with my car so it’s good to go.

I found a wi-fi hot spot walking distance from my grandparent’s house so if it is really there, I may post once or twice durring the next 2 weeks.  If not, you’ll know why.  See you in July!

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Well, I edited the entry to add in the Kurayami walkthrough links and started working on a layout for Shattered-Sky.  Layout is being thrown together because I don’t have any inspiration, I figure the blog layout can wait.  I need to find happier avatars too, most of the ones I have are quite depressing.

Yesterday, I went to a middle school to jog on the track with my sister.  Unfortunately, the gates were locked so we had to hop the fence.  I hate climbing over fences, my shoes never fit nicely in the chain link.  Anywho, we walked/jogged a mile and then walked a least another mile, wasn’t keeping track for that.  We had an interesting conversation about running styles, she jazz runs with short steps and I jog.  Well, I guess I kinda run, but not just with my toes like sprinters.  She jogged almost the entire time and I walked the curves and ran the straights.  We kept about the same distance.  I really need to work on my endurance and muscle strength, my legs feel kinda tight and sore.

Made an appointment for my car because the check engine light is on and I need to take it to Chicago on Monday.  Well, my dad will probably drive it.  You know the family trip I’ve been mentioning?  That’s what Monday will be.  I haven’t started packing or getting things together that I’ll need.  I have no idea what I’ll take specifically, just in general.  But what’s really stressing me out is my parents.  I have a feeling that when we get there, it’ll be chaotic for us.  Prioritizing, planning things out, and actually getting things done.  My dad has to plan just about everything out and nothing has been planned other than our tickets.  I don’t think he reserved a rental car or set anything up for him coming back.  Tangent: Rental car; I would love to rent one but it’s super expensive!  Not to mention I’m under 25 and would have to pay extra everyday.  That’s not what’s bothering me, my dad is only putting one driver on the rental is what’s pissing me off.  He would probably put himself on and not my mom even though he’s coming home a few days earlier!  We (my mom, sister and me) would have to rely on him or my grandpa.  We could take my grandpa’s car on the weekends but he works weekdays.  Grr…  I’ll try and talk to him about it.  Back to what I was saying.  I have a feeling that my dad will be a dictator and plan everything out according to him, not taking into account the rest of us.  We’ll have to see.  But I’m anxious about seeing my family, I haven’t seen most of them for at least 5-6 years.  Not sure how well I’ll get along with them/they get along with me.  Not to mention obligatory family stuff.  Gah!  I don’t want to go!  My ticket has been purchased and it would look really bad if I didn’t go.  A bright spot about it is that’s a free wi-fi hot spot within walking distance from my grandparents house, they don’t have internet.  I deliberately left out where we’ll be going.  In this area at least, it’s a big deal going there.  I want as few people to know as possible (ironic that I blog), but will reveal the location in another entry.

Enough about that!  Something else that’s ticking me off is Gaia.  I’m not exactly sure why, but it feels like everyone on there is really stupid and obnoxious.  All take and no give.  They’ll keep you around when they need you but stop talking when they have what they wanted.  Most conversation is about them and they don’t care about the person they’re talking to.  I admit, I am guilty of this in a few cases.  But I ask about them and they don’t ask anything back!  Make me angry.  I read one person’s post how it’s all about having the best/most expensive avi and not about decent conversation.  Maybe it’s just me, but Gaia is turning into a place where immature teens go to act out, get attention, and be idiots.  Ok, that was 2 rants already.  I’ll just shut up and make dinner.

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Not really!    Took both doses Wednesday and couldn’t fall asleep.  I was so tierd, but couldn’t sleep.  At my mom’s prompting, I tried again at 8 on Thursday.  Kinda worked.  Had my alarm set for noon, but pushed it back to 1 ’cause I was tossing and turning till about 9.  Then kept getting up.  So at 12:30 I got out of bed because I couldn’t fall back to sleep.  I didn’t feel any more awake, but at least I wasn’t cranky.  So I didn’t take it yesterday and finally got a good nights sleep!  A full 8 hours!  I got up with a headache but that’s ok.  But my dad wants me to keep trying it so I took one dose already, not sure if I’ll take the second.

Now, what else do I need to talk about/share?  Oh!  Saw Alice in Wonderland last night!  So good!  Want it for my b-day!  The Belmont is tomorrow and I can watch it!  I couldn’t see the Derby or Preakness due to work.  But no triple crown…

On to more serious stuff.  My sister bought a bunch of Disney movies on eBay and she’s finding out that most of them are bootlegs.  I thought she knew what she was doing, so I didn’t warn her.  I wish I would have.  Now, she has to send them back.  She was quite depressed and angry last night because of that.  I feel horrible.  That is why I’m leery of eBay.

So, I’m not working this entire month.  Business isn’t good so I can understand why they’re switching the schedule around.  I think I’ll be working in July, so that’s a plus.  I still need to look for another job though.

Now, short story about my dad setting the planter on fire.  He cooked out Friday and my mom suggested he dump the coals in the planter seeing that it’s not being used for anything.  Obviously, my dad agreed.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!  The weeds in it and the planter box caught on fire.  I only found out about it after he put the flames out.  But it was still smoldering so I had to help put it out.  I wouldn’t have minded because hey, the house could go up in flames.  But I did because he was trying to use water.  The faucet in the back is shut off because it’s broken so he was carrying bowls of water outside.  If the faucet would have worked, it wouldn’t have helped my irritation much.  I should have stated this earlier but the planter is made out of railroad ties, which are soaked in oil.  Water+oil=bad  I was going to use baking soda or the fire extinguisher, but he kept sending me back in for more water.  Pissed me off.  Not only that, but he was trying to take apart the planter with a shovel.  Makes sense sans the shovel part, but I offered to help or go and buy an ax a half dozen times and he was being all manly/macho about it.  Grrr…  And it didn’t help that this was at 3 in the morning.  Ok, I’m done ranting.

I need to do a whole bunch of stuff, but I’m too lazy right now.  I’ll get to the trip later, if I start it’s going to be a rant/letting out stress and one rant is enough for this entry.

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Meh…  I’m not really depressed, just lacking energy and motivation to do anything.  I blame Adderall (sp?).  First half of the day was great, good mood and stayed focused, though not on important things.  Second dose, and I’m not doing much, low energy level.  It probably doesn’t help that I got 5 hours of sleep last night.  I keep going to sleep late (5-6) and waking up at around 10-11:30.  Don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Ah, I haven’t mentioned the appointment with the psychiatrist.  He thinks that I’m suffering from more social anxiety, I was feeling quite depressed prior to that and surprisingly apathetic.  He was going off a psych test I took years ago and my anxiety from years ago.  So that’s where Adderall came in, helps focus as well as subdues anxiety.  I’ll have to continue taking it to see if all this is normal.

While I am quite lonely right now, I just don’t want to talk to anyone for fear of bringing them down.  Or not providing good conversation.  I’ve been lurking around Gaia Online, playing zOMG! and Booty Grab.  Not much else to do, none of my friends are really up for conversation right now.  What a waste of time, wandering aimlessly through the forums. 

I finished Kurayami.  With the help of walkthroughs.  I’ll dig up the links and post them later, both are in Japanese.  Links:

http://www.otentosama.com/A_Kurayaminohate/top.html

http://schloss-gennou.sakura.ne.jp/kurayamikouryaku.html

I really enjoyed the game more than I thought I would.  I just didn’t care for Sakuraba, everyone else was enjoyable, even the killer!  It amused me a lot!  Haven’t played any other game (sans Gaia) since beating it.

Well, Amanda’s home!  We’ve been bored a lot though, not much to do around here with little money.  There are things I should be doing, but I really don’t feel like it.  Oh!  I finally saw Avatar!  Loved it!  My sister went out and bought it after we saw it.  I’m thinking of asking for it for my b-day.  Really nothing eventful has happened.

There are a bunch of things I wanted to talk about in this entry but the words aren’t coming.  Main highlights: Family trip mid-June, my dad set a planter on fire, and I’m not working this entire month.  I’ll go into detail later, just not feeling it right now…

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